Jon takes the bus to school!

November 29, 2010.  This is a day that I will never forget.  The day he took the bus to school.  Jon has had the opportunity to take the bus to school for the past four years.  Of course, I wasn't going for it.  In addition to having a diagnosis of autism, Jon is also nonverbal.  The thought of someone doing something to him on that bus and him not being able to tell me was too difficult for me to even think about.  The idea that he would be transported by someone other than family was so not happening.  I guess when you have a child, not just a child with special needs, you live to protect them.  I have always wanted to protect Jon.  It seems like in life when I ease up something happens. 


I can honestly say that there has been some maturing with Jon over the last few months.  Something different started to happen with my son when he started kindergarten.  He seems to be more of a big boy.  His personality is changing.  He likes to try things.  To be perfectly honest at times I think that he resents my over protectiveness.  Over the last month or so, Jon has been taking the bus with his classmates to various events offered to his school sponsored by the Special Olympics.  His teacher has made a point to let me know just how much he likes it. In my mind I thought...whatever, it ain't happening.   For the past four years I have shut down the idea of bus transportation in his annual IEP with the quickness.  But lately when I've picked Jon up from school he smiles at the school bus.  Something on the inside of me could feel that he must have liked it.



So against my better judgment, I emailed the principal to see if he could take the bus.  I planned on asking in person but somehow it would never come out of my mouth.  Go figure.  So yesterday was the big day.  I was sooo nervous.  I had my camera in hand, tears in my eyes and a list of how the bus driver is to take care of my son.  (Yeah I know, that is a lot of nerve trying to tell someone how to do their job but everyone know how I am).  



As we waited on the porch for the bus.  I was sooo nervous and Jon had no clue why we were standing out in the elements.  However, everything changed when  Jon saw the school bus.  When Jon saw that bus, he was so very excited.  As we were waiting on the porch we first heard the bus coming down the street.  It seemed to be going faster than it should but I know that must have all been in my mind. Then it turned in our cul de sac before stopping directly in front of our house.  Jon had the deer in headlights look.  I'm sure he was thinking, wishing that the big bus was for him but was probably thinking that with a mother like his, this couldn't possibly be his bus. 

So as the bus approached the house, I gave him permission to walk to the bus on his own.

And he walked on the bus like a big boy.   I could not contain my excitement.  I was impressed to say the least.  As Jon walked on the bus, I followed him and began to give the bus driver this long winded speech as to what to do in the event of an emergency.  Now mind you, Jon is only going a whopping three blocks to school.


Once on the bus, I see Jon independently get himself in his seat and attempt to put on his seat belt.  In that moment I shut my trap.  Yeah, I took a second to shut it and absorb just how far my son had come.  I thought about the little boy that had such hyperactivity that he was not capable of sitting for ten seconds independently when he was three years old.  And tears began to roll down my face. 

For a second he did seem unsure, but he was ready to try.   And this was something that he really wanted to do.   I could see the look on his face of now what because there was no turning back?

But he didn't change his mind.  The look only lasted for a second.  And my boy was ready to take his chances.  He motioned to give me a kiss, then waved goodbye to me without prompting.  In that moment I knew that he had it under control.  No need to hand my list to the bus driver.  No need for the remainder of my lecture on how to take care of my boy.  Jon smiled at me and then sat back in his seat.  He was ready to go.  And in that moment I understood that there are times that I need to take a breath and let go.  I need to give Jon the chance to succeed or fail.  And I learned that letting go can be a liberating feeling.  I was so proud of Jon.  But most importantly I could see that Jon was proud of himself.

Thanksgiving and Black Friday

So Thanksgiving came and went.  And this year it was OK.  I enjoyed spending time with family and having an excuse to eat as much food as possible guilt free. I cant believe that it has come and gone.  There seems to be so much preparation for the day and then before you know it, its over.


I can't say that this year was my favorite Thanksgiving.  There are so many personal things going on that I wasn't exactly focused.  There is always something.  But that is life.  And as I always say, life is what it is. And even when you don't want to, you have to keep it moving.  Sometimes you just have to be satisfied with OK.

                                                 Jon enjoying the video Rocker

                                   Jasmine enjoying making ornaments for Christmas.


But for everything I did not get out of Thanksgiving, I soooo got out of the Black Friday Shopping Frenzy.  I had a blast.  My mother, sister, brother and I all went out at midnight to be party of the craziness and we were not disappointed.  We were successful with getting everything that we wanted.  We were able to score 32" TVs for $199, Sony camcorder for $199, digital cameras for $59, 42" TVs for $398, kitchen appliances for $3 and a host of other wants (not needs) at affordable prices.  I am not sure how I do it year after year but I manage to hang in there and shop on minimal sleep.  I enjoy helping my friends get the items that they want to.  Something about it all truly makes me happy.   And craziest thing about all of it, is that most of the things are not even for me.  :-)))


But even more than the material items, (I call them scores), I thoroughly enjoy the sport of people watching and getting to know the other shoppers. One memorable couple was the dad who was vying for the bargain 42" TV.  He was standing in line with his seven year old daughter Taylor.  They live in rural Missouri and drove close to two hours to take advantage of the sale.  He explained that without the sale, the TV is certainly something that he could never afford.  OK, I would have never brought my daughter to Black Friday and had the expectation that she would be able to handle it, but to each their own. I could clearly see that Taylor was adored and loved by her father.  Despite her age, Taylor waited in line and hung in there like a pro.  She was great.    Little Taylor seemed to gravitate towards me and we had some wonderful conversations.  One thing that she made perfectly clear is that no matter what  my daughter will love Justin Bieber and the Jonas Brothers.  I guess I better get with the program.   It was great talking to Taylor that night.  By talking to her I was able to get some insight about my own daughter.  I realize that raising a seven year old girl is not easy, but neither is being one. 


However, the most memorable person that I met this year had to be the lady who fell asleep between two bags of dog food trying to get the 42" LCD TV.  When she asked all of us in line if she could take a nap, I thought it was a joke.  She proceeded to wrap herself in a comforter in between two stacks of dog food and started to get some zzzz's.  She was asleep for three hours. 

And of course we all made fun of her in the spirit of passing time.  And most would think that she was insane to be sleeping in between a stack of Purina dog chow and Purina one.  However, I can say that she was the sweetest person.  Early on she explained that she was getting the big ticket items for her foster children.  She was single, but felt that she had too much house and too much love to not offer it to children who needed it.  She also drove a bus for disabled children.  It was clear to see that she had a heart of gold and truly cared for other people.  At the end of the day she even gave me the waffle maker that  eluded me in the mad rush that I promised my niece Nicole that I would get for her.  Gotta love that.  Oh well, I guess I could babble forever.  And enough is enough.  Now off to make my house fabulous for Christmas.  (or at least try to).

So I start a blog, now what?

Of all the crazy things I can add to my life, I somehow thought that it would be neat for me to start a blog. I spent the day thinking about my life. Where I am now, where I was ten years ago and where I would like to be in ten years.


I can honestly say that my life, my journey thus far has been interesting and great. It hasn’t always been easy. But whose life is? I thought that by creating his blog, it will be my way new way of journaling. I have contemplated starting a blog for quite some time now. At first it seemed so impersonal. However, the reality is ,is that life is so very busy. There are so many friends that I have made along the way that I don’t get to talk to much, but always think about. And when I want to see how they are doing, I check their blog.  Therefore, it made perfectly good sense to me that I'd start a blog.  I figured it would be a good thing just in case there was a friend or two out there who had the urge check mine.  LOL.  


Working in mental health, I spend the vast majority of my work day alone, or with people who have severe and persistent mental illnesses. That isn’t always easy. And I so desperately need a break from that at times.  Most people who know me know that I am a facebook junkie. Actually, a borderline addict. I cant help it. Sad, but true.  It is my connection to the outside world.


As I mentioned before, I have a very busy life. I am a wife, a mother to two amazing children, an employee. I am a friend, a volunteer. Bottom line, I am a busy woman. And there are times where there downright bizarre things that happen in my life. I guess this blog will be here for anyone who wants to follow me on my life's journey. And my hopes this time is that I wont abandon my blog and am able to keep it up.